This is a "I'm Frustrated/Hurt" type blog.

For those who feel the need to gossip..
For those who feel the need to speak of something they have no idea about..
For those who feel the need to put their nose in business that is not theirs..

Here are a couple of fun facts for you:

1. When I moved to South Carolina, I moved into a two bedroom, two bath apartment that will eventually become the first place I share with my future husband. 
2. Andrew (my future husband) lives in an entirely different apartment complex about a 5 minute drive away from the apartment complex I am in. 
3. We do not live together.
4. He does not sleep over.
5. None of this is any of your business in the first place.

Sorry if I seem a little agitated in this blog, but it's only because I am. My sarcastic and blunt side is coming out and I'm sorry if it offends anyone. I continue to receive question after question, accusation after accusation about whether Andrew and I live together or not. The funny thing is that only once has one of these questions come from the actual source. The rest have just been someone confronting me and saying that another person was talking about how Andrew and I must live together since we're in the same city and he is seen in pictures at my place and I decorate with his initials. 

As you can tell, I'm quite annoyed by this and wanted to set the record straight once and for all. So for all of you speculators, let me inform you truthfully that we do not live together. I decorate with his initials  because I'm preparing the house to be ours when we are married. I knew how I wanted to decorate and I don't feel the need to wait to hang up the decor that I have already bought. Make sense? Good. He is in pictures at my place because, shocker, we hang out. We're engaged. We're going to spend time together. Does that mean that he lives there? No. We live in the same city, but he lives with one of his best friends. This is all normal stuff, guys.

The reason this frustrates me is because it would be very easy for Andrew to move in. It would easy for him to not have to pay rent somewhere else and just go ahead and live with me. But we don't. We choose to not live together because we want to honor our God and each other. We believe that it is right to stay pure. We believe that do that, it is best to NOT live together. And so we don't. It's not what's easy, but it's what we have decided to do. It bothers me that people who are supposed to know me, who are supposed to know us, would just assume the worst and then talk about their suspicions with others. 

While you were assuming the worst from me, I had been assuming the best of you. That you wouldn't say un-true things. I guess we both were wrong.

Reckless Girl

I grew up at Central Baptist Church and I was the perfect little Central Baptist grown girl. I attended every single conference, mission trip, and event. I was overly involved in every Christmas, Easter, and 4th of July program. I was frequently listed to sing on the solo rotation. I was baptized here at the church twice: once when I was 6 and the other when I was in the 8th grade as the result of a very moving disciple now weekend where I realized that I needed to rededicate my life to Jesus. I was, and still kind of am, very well known by most everyone in the church as a very good girl who loves Jesus and was in the church whenever the doors were open; sometimes even when they weren’t. And for a really long time, I thought that all of that was enough. I thought that that was what it meant to be a Christian and to live my life for God. I’m not saying that any of that stuff is bad. It’s actually very good stuff. I love all of the programs and events that happen here. I know that they honor God and witness to others. But attending conferences and singing on a stage is not how God called us to live for Him. He called us to live recklessly, abandoning everything that we have and know for Him. 

When I graduated high school, I found myself still settling for this comfortable life I had grown accustomed to. I lived at home with my parents, attended a small community college in the area, was dating a guy that I met at church, and was still extremely involved in all things church related. Suddenly, though, I found that it wasn’t enough. All of the things I was doing… I thought they would fill me, I thought that they would make me a good person. But, even though I said I believed in God’s grace, my actions showed that I trusted in my works to save me and make me “righteous”. And it had worked for me until I was faced with temptation and I fell. When I fell, I fell hard. I couldn’t believe myself. How in the world did “little Kimmy Cusick” do something so wrong, something that I had always told myself that I would never do? Then, as it always happens, everything began to fall apart in what once had been a perfectly sculptured world. All of a sudden, this once confident girl was shaken to the core. I didn’t know who I was anymore or what I was supposed to do. I was crying all of the time, I didn’t recognize myself anymore, and I could barely even look at the bible without shaking with guilt. 

That’s when God did what only He can do. He began to re-make me. He began to make beauty from my ashes. He began to build me and mold me into the girl that I was always meant to be. I decided to make a reckless decision and move to a new state. While there at college, I made another reckless decision. I decided to give up dating and date Jesus. I received so many criticisms for both of those decisions, but those decisions have opened my eyes to so many things. I think one of the most important things was that I learned how that perfectly sculptured world that I had once lived in was really just a safe and comfortable falsity that I had built on a foundation of sand, easily destroyed and built on the lie that life was all about me. I also learned that I had made an idol of wanting a guy to love me instead of treasuring the perfect and unshakable love of the only Man who can ever completely satisfy me (God, of course). 

You see, once I began to follow God’s leading and make choices that seemed reckless to so many others, I finally began to truly live for God. Life became about Him and His unrelenting kingdom instead of me and my flimsy sand castle. There are so many things in my life that has changed since I began to let God lead me in this way: the way I look at life, the way I look at myself, the way I look at others, and the way I look at the gospel. To sum it all up in one short sentence, I learned that life and the gospel is not about me. It’s all about God. It’s all about serving. It’s all about following Him. Even though it’s hard and I have to work to live this way moment by moment, fighting my selfish desires that eat at me day and night, I never want to live my life any other way:  only, completely, and fully for Him for the rest of my days.

Why I Quit My Job

So as most of you know, I was a flight attendant trainee for about a month and then I was a flight attendant for about two days. Then I quit. This caused a lot of disapproval and a lot of questions (and when I say a lot, I mean A LOT). So even though most people still won't understand my reasoning and still probably disprove, I will attempt to explain anyways.

When I set out on this journey, I never expected that it would end so suddenly. I really went into it fully passionate and ready to do it. I was fully confident that it was right and where I needed to be. I don't believe I was completely wrong. I do think that God had me there for a definite reason and at just the right timing in my life. I just did not anticipate that I would leave so soon. Training was difficult, but proved to be fruitful as I graduated valedictorian. I had a crash pad set up and had moved in ready to rock the job, which I did. I was very good at being a flight attendant, at least according to my check flight attendant who was training me on the job. But something just wasn't right in my gut the entire time.

I went to the hotel that night crying, knowing that I did not love what I was doing. I told myself that if I absolutely had to continue being a flight attendant, then I would. But I realized that I didn't have to be. I realized that I could find another job. I prayed fervently that night and knew the next day that the job was not for me and that God was not mad at me for that. So many people said that God would not open a door if He was just going to close it, but I disagree. We cannot begin to contemplate the way God does things. He does so many things that we cannot comprehend. I knew that as long I was for His Kingdom and His glory, He was fine with whatever I chose to do. I had planned on finishing out the trip, but was devastated when I became completely airsick on my fourth flight that day. I left, packed up my belongings, and drove to Greenville, SC to hide out from questioning minds in Georgia for a week.

I then proceeded to go on a job hunt. It was unsuccessful at first. I went home to Georgia for Thanksgiving and came back hopeful that God would provide. I was out applying for jobs when my check engine light came on. I found the closest auto repair business and walked in. While the guy was checking my car, I jokingly asked if they were looking for a receptionist and they had me fill out an application. I got a call that same day for an interview. Then I was interviewed and hired the next.

I now have an apartment, a great full time job that pays better than my other job, a great church family that I love (Summit Church Upstate), am no longer in a long distance relationship, and am extremely happy. And really, that is all that should matter. It really shouldn't matter to anyone if I quit my job or not. I'm doing the best I can in life and I know that Jesus is not disappointed in me.

Joy in Persecution

I am speaking up about this issue with the man from Duck Dynasty who got fired from the show for speaking on his beliefs. I am not speaking up because I want to help fight for his rights. I am not speaking up because I am outraged that He was cancelled from the show. I am speaking up because most Christians in America are getting it wrong, but Phil is not. Phil understands the gospel. Phil understands that persecution comes with the package. And we, as Christians, should too. But we don't.

Growing up in America, I was taught to fight for my rights. I was told that I had a right to say what I wanted, believe what I wanted, and be whoever I wanted to be. Well, with a couple of exceptions. Because "rights" that this world gives always have exceptions. You can say what you want to say, but not where these people can hear you because you'll offend them. You can believe what you want to believe, but only if you don't tell anyone about it. You can be who you want to be, but we want to limit you to only being what we want you to be. There is always an exception. That is why, ladies and gentlemen, that I am glad this place of "Freedom only if" is not my home.

My home is a glorious place where the Son shines every day. My home is a place where genuine laughter fills every street. My home is a place where everything is beautifully perfect. My home is a place where freedom is boundless.

You see, as Christians, we were always taught this "freedom only if" also applied to our life as Christians as well as our life here in America. So because of that I think that we have also mixed in some beliefs about life as American citizens with beliefs of life as citizens of the Kingdom of God. As Americans, we know that many people laid down their lives for our freedom. I am so grateful for that and was raised in a military household. As Christians, one man laid down His life so that others could live. There is no fighting for our rights as Christians. They were already bought with a great price. It's over. That is why Jesus said while He was dying on the cross that it is finished!! There is no more fighting. Our freedom is secure in our home. Nothing that anyone says or does here can change that. Nothing!

Now that we have that settled, let's talk about why it is not biblical to "fight" for our rights as Christians here in America. This, my dear friends, brings us to the word persecution. First of all, what is persecution? According to the Merriam Webster dictionary, persecution is the act or practice of persecuting especially those who differ in origin, religion, or social outlook. I think that with our American Dream mentality, we get so focused on fighting for our rights that we think that applies to persecution. But if we are being gospel minded, we get that when persecution comes the bible tells us to not only welcome it, but to be joyful because of it.

1 John 3:13
"Do not be surprised, brothers, that the world hates you."

2 Corinthians 4:8-12
"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies. For we who live are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So death is at work in us, but life in you."

1 Peter 4:12-14
"Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ's sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted for the name of Christ, you are blessed, because the Spirit of glory and of God rests upon you."

See, God promised this type of treatment and warned us to not be surprised by it. He warned us to be ready for it so that instead of feeling entitlement to fight against it, we welcome it for His sake. It is good to face persecution. But I know that some of you may be asking why, and I am glad you asked. Paul knew what it meant to suffer for the sake of Christ. He said this:

Philippians 1:12-14
"I want you to know, brothers, that what has happened to me has really served to advance the gospel, so that it has become known throughout the whole imperial guard and to all the rest that my imprisonment is for Christ. And most of the brothers, having become confident in the Lord by my imprisonment, are much more bold to speak the word without fear."

There is a reason for persecution and there is a reason we should be joyful when it happens to us. If we are about spreading the word of Jesus, persecution does that. And like Phil, it may mean getting kicked off of a show for speaking up. And like Paul (Acts 16), it may mean being imprisoned. And like Stephen (Acts 7), it may mean death. But if it can spread the gospel to unbelievers, then isn't it worth it? Isn't it a good thing? What are you more concerned about? Your rights as Americans to say what you want, or spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ to every man, woman, and child?

Are you more concerned with fighting for your rights or saving souls? I'm pretty sure Phil is more concerned with saving souls. I'm certain that Jesus Christ is.

Remember this night...

Yesterday Andrew surprised me by coming down to visit me a day earlier than we was supposed to and we have literally had the best time being together. This, by far, has been one of my favorite visits and I am determined to only progress from here.

Last night we were supposed to have a Skype date, but my sister ended up calling and saying that she needed me to come over to her house ASAP to help with something. Anyways, I went over there and sat down. All of a sudden, Andrew comes around the corner with that irresistible smile of his. I could not wait to be in his arms again. That was so relaxing and fun as we caught up on New Girl episodes (our favorite show to watch together), watched some hilarious Vine videos, and enjoyed joking and flirting with each other. I love to laugh with Andrew. Whenever we laugh together, it is like reassurance that God put us together for a reason.

With our long distance relationship becoming a norm recently, it was so nice to be able to spend that time with him to rejuvenate me before we are away from each other for an even longer amount of time. I don't know when I will be able to see him next and it kind of scares me. Last night really gave me that reassurance and push I needed to know that we will make it and be okay.

Tonight really sealed the deal. Even the beginning of the day was a complete blast with him. We hung out at the church and took the next step in booking it for our wedding. I was not sure if we would be able to do book the church together since I was not sure when we would be together next, but I was thrilled when we had the perfect opportunity today. He came with me to babysit and we played games with the girls. After that we babysat my niece and nephews. It was so much fun. Those kids hold my heart and to know that Andrew loves them just as much as I do is so attractive to me. I love creating fun games to play with them and having Andrew come alongside with his creativity and add so much more. We put the kids to bed together and then sat together in the living room. It was so chill and easy.

 It made me extremely hopeful and excited for the future when that is our life. I am so excited for marriage with Andrew. I'm so blessed that I will get to parent with Andrew. I really hit the jack pot in the future husband department. He is everything that I could ask for. He is patient, goofy almost to a fault (like me), such a child but also mature, wise, godly, faithful, passionate, artistic, compassionate, talented, loving, tender, extremely handsome, hilarious, and just a perfect match for me in every way possible. He is one hundred percent my best friend. He kills the "man of my dreams".

After babysitting, we went to CVS to get a couple of things, but ended up goofing off and looking down almost every isle of the store. When we left, we decided to blast some of our favorite fun songs and sing as loud as we could with the windows down. The closer we got to my house, the more we felt like we didn't want the car ride to be over so we ended up driving all over Warner Robins (even going on the highway) singing and laughing. We did two chinese fire drills, stopped at a random day care and had a dance party in the parking lot, and just had a blast enjoying each others company.

I know that our relationship will never be perfect, but I wanted to write all of this down so that when we do have our fights and disagree, I can look back at this blog and remember why I fell in love with him. When my love becomes a just a choice instead of a feeling, I can look back and be reminded of how gives me that feeling of complete love and pure giddiness. He makes me feel like a kid and we all know how much I loved being a kid.

He is my best friend. He is my super hot best friend that I can kiss any time I want to and who makes me laugh until I look like a retarded seal clapping its fins. I cannot wait to marry him.

Not My Everything

Yes, I know I have not posted in awhile. Like I never even updated my blog on my engagement to the amazing Andrew Scott Bradford! Cah-razy.

Nevertheless, let us proceed to the reason why I am posting in my blog again. I have been reading and hearing a bunch of young girls calling their boyfriends their everything and how much they love their boyfriend and they couldn't live without them. Don't worry, my blog post is not going to be on how stupid it is for ninth graders to be talking about how much they are in love with their boyfriend that they will most likely not be with in about two months. Which, don't get me wrong, I could totally write a whole blog on how annoying that is. But, alas, that is not the main point on this blog post.

Before I go any further, I find it very important to write this: Bradford is not my everything and my life would most definitely be able to go on without him in it.

WOW! How crazy is that? I know, it's kind of an insane idea that I would be able to live my life and not die if for some reason Bradford decided that he didn't want to be with me anymore. Oh, sure, I would be completely devastated. It would take a long time and a crazy amount of tissues for me to be okay again. But let me tell you something, I would not die. My entire world would not fall apart, because he is NOT my everything. I once made a guy my everything. It did not end well for me.

Listen, girls, if we put our everything into a human being we will be left empty and wishing we were dead because they WILL fail us! I have a couple of reasons as to why this is the most unhealthy thing to do in any relationship with any normal human being.

1. What are you going to do if for some reason they are out of your life tomorrow? A week from now? A year from now? If you say you can't live without them and that they are your everything, are you just going to die? Let me tell you what is going to happen because I've been through it. You will not know who you are anymore. You will have to spend a really long time finding yourself and it will be messy, hard, unbearable, and you will wish you were dead. Does that sound like something you want to do? NO! Of course not! Dumbest question ever. You can say, "But we really love each other, he's the one!" I said that too. Also, we aren't promised tomorrow! What if something happens to them? You're just going to be left with nothing because your everything died. Morbid, but true. Come on, girls. Let's be smarter.

2. Any human other that Jesus Christ will crumble under those expectations of being someone's everything. It is not fair for them to be put under that. The weight of being someone's everything is the heaviest burden to carry. I mean, that's not love calling them your everything, that's called selfishness. End of story.

3. That spot in your life belongs to God and only God. Get it together.

Do not get me wrong, I am absolutely in love with Bradford. I do believe that God has it in His almighty plan for us to be together. But, you know what? We're actually at the age where marriage is real. Like, we're engaged. We're not in high school or middle school hoping and wishing that it could work out one day.

Also, Bradford is becoming the most important person on this earth to me, but like I said earlier... we're getting married. It's SUPPOSED to be that way. If we were just dating (or in high school for crying out loud!!!) then that would be very unhealthy for me to say or live.

He is not my everything. I fight to put God in that position every day of my life and so should you because life makes so much more sense once you do. It's why we were created. It's how life was meant to be lived. The end.

Bargain Shopper

Okay, okay, okay... So I have not posted in a little while and I know that I need to update you creepers about my life. And I say creepers in the most loving way possible :)

The last time I updated I was headed to the Tuesday market. It was very fun! We had to look for stuff for Miranda for her JSB (Junior/Senior Banquet which is kind of like prom but without the dancing and to honor the seniors for the end of the year) and to get some stuff for my family and friends. It was a very successful shopping trip. It is so interesting shopping here because it's not stock items that have a set price. You never know what you'll find in the market and you have to bargain. It's kinda stressful but also kind of fun. I'm just glad that I don't speak french so that the Bradford's have to bargain for me (gwhahaha... inside joke)! The markets are like put up down a rode and they have canvas or tarpes that they put over your head and the merchandise. You just walk down this long "hallway" and stop and bargain when you see something you like. It's very crowded and you literally have to push through people. Also, you don't take a purse, but keep your money tucked away in your skirt because there are a lot of pickpockets. Anyways, I think I like shopping better in America but shopping in Africa can be really fun if you're with the right people to help you bargain.

Friday we went to the beach with some seniors and alumni's from DA. It was soooo much fun, but I did get slightly burnt. The funny thing about the beach is that you have to walk like half a mile through stinky trash to get to the beach. It's smelly, but so worth it because the ocean is very welcoming. The sand is mixed with volcanic rocks and stuff so it's different than the white sand in America and sticks a little more which is annoying, but the waves are HUGE and so much fun to play in. Just be careful for the rocks ;) It's not that hard though because they're only in certain places. After the beach, we came back to the house and ate dinner, then immediately went to DA so Andrew could play in the senior vs. alumni/staff handball game! Andrew did amazing and it was so fun to watch him play. Then we went to a pool party at an old friend of Andrew's house, named Kiyetet, for an alumni party.

We did not realize that it was going to a spend-the-night party. I have gotten so used to just going with the flow here in Africa, haha! So we had a lot of fun and spent the night, then in the morning we were supposed to leave the house around 11:30 so we could get back to help Miranda get ready for JSB. Kiyetet's family has a driver (ps their house was beautiful and like a resort) but the driver was VERY late to come and get us because of Friday prayer traffic. Like... he didn't get to the house until 4:30 and we needed to be back by 5 so that I could do Miranda's hair for JSB. Her house is also 45 mins out of Dakar and there was A LOT of traffic. Rather then sulking and mad about something that we had no control over, the group of us had a lot of fun. The ride back was also quite the adventure and I feel like I experienced more of Africa riding in the back of that pick-up truck for an hour through the back roads of Dakar. I have also made some really amazing friends with Andrew's friends. Laura and Sharonne are probably the ones who have made the biggest impact on this trip. They both took the time to spend with me one-on-one and get to know me which, as an introvert in new situations, meant a lot to me.

Today I pretty much finished up my shopping for people back home in another market, which I don't know the name for, with Mrs. Julie! And I have to say that today was my favorite shopping day. We went to the market, pretty quickly found what we came for, and got them for the prices that we wanted! It was so nice. My time in Africa is quickly coming to a close and I am finding that I am dreading leaving. I have gone from crazy culture shock to really falling in love with this country and the people here. It is going to be hard to leave, but at the same time I am ready to go home. I want to see my family and friends, sleep in my bed, and just be home in America.



Random Thoughts:
1. Showering here is so different. First of all, I never take warm showers. They have warm water, but I WANT cold showers! I literally don't understand why people take warm showers anymore.
2. It is also difficult to think of wearing my hair down and not having the bottom layer be wet with sweat.
3. I got some awesome African pants that I am in love with. I just have to be in the AC or right in front of a fan to wear them, haha!


Love, Kimmy