We were always meant to say goodbye...

I woke up that morning feeling like I was about to embark on a journey that would change my life. My father loaded his jeep and my car with all of my belongings before we headed out. I remember being so embarrassed by the amount of earthly belongings that I had obtained over the years that I made a point to downsize throughout the year. I was twenty years old, and Francesca Battistelli's song "Free To Be Me" had become an anthem for me on that day. I was twenty years of age and definitely looking for a dream, or really anything new for that matter. I was looking for myself. I was looking for God. My life had been torn a part months before and I had lost myself in the process. I went and served at Student Life Camp with the realization that I was broken, but that God would heal me. I didn't know how and I didn't know when, but I knew that getting away to North Greenville University would be a part of the process.

I had high expectations. I had dreams of how my life would go at NGU. But the funny thing about expectations are that they never fully match up with reality. I came to school thinking that it would be easy. I spent the first couple of weeks cooped up in my room sulking and watching re-run TV shows. Then came Holley Chappell. Holley was the first person at NGU to really, truly be-friend me. She made me leave my room and get out to meet people. I will always remember and be thankful for those days when she literally forced me into working out with her. I don't think she will ever understand how much that one-on-one time really meant to me. Holley let me open up to her about my past and the circumstances in life that broke me. Holley helped me to see that God truly had a plan for me and that I didn't need to settle for anything less.

In late September, these two crazy guys from the mass communications department decided they wanted to befriend me as well. Daniel and Derek are the two people who got me out of my shell in mass com. If it wasn't for them, my whole life would be different right now. Holley helped me to open up on a one-on-one level, but Daniel and Derek helped me open up in a group setting. They helped me to find the part of myself that used to have a whole room cracking up. I was outgoing in Warner Robins. I was a class clown. When I left, I fell into the shell that made me not recognize myself. Those guys helped me find myself and let me remember how good it felt to make people laugh again and how much I love to be witty and sarcastic. We had a lot of ups and downs, the three of us, but I will always look on that time with such a thankful heart for the friendship I have with them.

I left over Christmas break, still mostly broken. It was hard to see my ex again. It was hard to be in the same places that we had been together... but I knew that I was in a process of healing. I got to recharge with my very best friends, Melanie Custer and Caroline Cowart. I got to spend time with my parents. I knew that I was almost there. I had begun to open up to other people. I had begun to find myself. Most importantly, I had begun to let God in. I fell in love with God again. I had found a relationship with him that was more intimate than I had ever experienced before. I came back for my second semester ready to be the true Kimmy Cusick. I made some amazing and beautiful friends who I will love for the rest of my life. Alex Land and Nicolle Bremner are the two that I think changed me the most that semester.

And as we all know, I met a special guy named Andrew... or at that time I knew him as Bradford. His selfless friendship and eventually love showed me more of God's love then any person on this planet ever has before. Andrew and I grew so close together so fast because we helped each other finish healing. We both were in the process of healing from being broken when we became best friends, and together we walked through the last and hardest part of the process together. We let our past go. Together we let God take off our fear, insecurities, and chains from past hurts and pushed each other so passionately towards God.

This semester I came to North Greenville healed. I came back to school with a confidence in who I am in Christ more so then I ever have before in my life. God has taken me from ashes and broken pieces and has turned this life into a beautiful display of his redemption and grace. I find it no surprise at all that he used North Greenville to do it. I joined two very special families this semester. I am now a part of Act 2 and BSU Leadership. Because of these two families that I am now in, I have been blessed with many friendships that I will treasure for a lifetime. I write all of this because now I am having to say goodbye to this chapter in my life. God is changing my path, yet again, like he so loves to do. I think he does it to keep me on my feet and to keep trusting in his sovereign plan for my life.

I do not think that me not having enough money to come back is the reason I cannot return next semester to North Greenville. Money is no object to God and if he wanted me here, I believe there never would have been an issue in the first place. I came here to heal. I came here to learn. I came here to invest and to be invested in. I was always meant to say goodbye to North Greenville, this goodbye is just sooner then I had originally expected. But like I said, expectations and reality are two totally different things. The good thing is that my reality when God is behind the planning is so much better then anything I could ever expect.

God is teaching me so much. I constantly feel a pull from him to trust more, to hope more, and to learn more. His peace surpasses all my understanding. Now, why would God bring me to NGU to only take me away? This is a question I have been asking for awhile now, ever since this new plan popped up. I think on a surface level I could say that it was to meet the love of my life, to make new friends, and to experience new things. That is very true, but I believe it was for a bigger purpose. God sent me here to heal. God sent me to the beautiful campus of NGU to fall deeply in love with him. He sent me here to trust his plan even when it's difficult to understand. He has taught me to trust. He has taught me who I am in him, as his daughter. He has taught me to love. He has taught me how to truly live.

I will forever be thankful for the relationships and opportunities I have had here. There are so many people other than the few I've mentioned earlier who have forever changed my life. I could write a novel about each person. There's my beautiful life twin and new best friend Elizabeth Pirkle, Katy Hiott, Emily Drake, Katie Griffen, Deanna Pottorff, David Gaskin, Hunter Buchanan, Maliek Burrell, Mike Herring (BIG MIKE!), Addi Muesen, Chelsea Bailey, the amazing Jenning's family, Carly Clark, Katie Coward, Kelsie Windsor, Kortnee Stelly, Corrie Danielley, Anna Joy Moesley, my BSU Leadership and ACT 2 guys... goodness, I could go on and on. There are so many people I am going to miss so much... Just please know, to all of my amazing friends I've made at North Greenville... Thank you so much for investing in me. I would never be able to pay you back for all of the love and joy you've put in my life. Thank you.


NOW as for what is next for me? Since many plans I have made and thought were definite have blown up in my face, even though all for good reasons, I have decided NOT to be 100% sure about anything in this life except for things that God has 100% promised me. I will be transferring to Macon State College in January hopefully to pursue an Interdisciplinary Studies degree with a focus on creative writing. I am hoping to finish and graduate within two to three semesters. As for Andrew and I, I am currently waiting on the ring. He is such a blessing in my life and I cannot wait to see where God is taking us as we journey through life together. One part of our journey that is coming up soon is Africa where I can meet his amazing family. I cannot wait.

I will be deleting my facebook for personal reasons, so please keep up with me here on my blog and through phone/email. I don't know what God has planned for the rest of my life, but I know one thing. It's going to be an adventure.



PICTURES! :)